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Being Lost… (without Them)

December 2, 2009

The last 7 days were one of the hardest times Kaye and I have endured as a family. However, it was also during those 7 days that our faith and hope are in their strongest degree, especially in the kind of ordeal we experienced, that is finally coming to an end (Praise God!).

Recalling back, it was Thursday (November 26) of last week since my mag-ina, Kaye and Kara, left my parents-in-law home for Asian Hospital. Kara was already experiencing a 40-something fever at that time, and we still don’t know what triggered such onset. It was very hard to see Kara being bothered with her condition, which made it more difficult for her to sleep. Though when I got home, I reassured Kara that her fever will pass. But after preparing Kaye’s clothes at the apartment and went back to the other house, they decided to bring Kara to Asian, just to be sure our baby girl will be properly taken cared of.

As Kaye recounts, the attending ER physician (who she saw as pogi daw! hehehe!) initially wouldn’t want to admit them since it was just the first day of fever. Diagnoses were made on Kara afterward. But Kaye doesn’t want to take chances so she insisted that they be admitted so Kara is a lot safer since she’ll be checked round the clock, by the nurses and docs on duty.

As Kaye tends to Kara, I was left home to stay with the two kulets, Jemy and Cassie. Good thing, their attention is not much yet on what’s going around them. I then realized that it was the first time their Mama was not around. I just thought, maybe it’s just ok because I know I’m there with them.

The following day was the day of unexpected answers to Kara’s condition. And behold, the pedia doctor assigned to her suspected already that it might be a case of dengue. Still farfetched with the idea since Kara’s platelets were high, they will still have to work up Kara’s blood parameters from time to time. But come Sunday, the thing we feared came. Kara’s platelets went down tremendously breaking the 100 limit. It was then that we really have to be ready for anything. So the whole day, we search for possible donors (type O+) and even went to various blood banks like Red Cross in Manila for additional platelets for possible transfusion. Luckily, a lot did respond to our distress. But in the end, I was the only one who passed for the donation since around 5 of the other donors were denied due to some screening reasons. (My cousin, though he passed, can’t donate that day because he had alcohol the previous night. He donated Monday PM) At the end of the day, there were 4 bags of ready platelets, 2 yet to be screened, and 2 more to be processed (one is my blood).

In the first few days of the ordeal, Kaye and I couldn’t do anything. According to the pedia, we should let the condition (dengue) take its course. It’s the only way that we can determine that Kara will eventually become okay. But for us, especially for Kaye, that was really hard to fathom at that point. She needed to stay strong for Kara, assuring her that the things everyone is doing will lead to her faster recovery. I couldn’t help but notice that, though she doesn’t say anything or confer to me much, hirap na s’ya to bear the idea. The anguish, the fear of what might happen… all those sum up her silence. Ako nga, I feel guilty pa of not being their with her sa hospital because I need to stay with the kids at home. And it was really hard that Kaye and Kara weren’t at home. JUst thinking of them battling an illness by themselves, while me watching over the kids at home and not being there… it’s like the family was miles apart from each other. But that’s just it. Kailangan lang. Sometimes the strength one needs will just have to come from the thought that me and kids are there with them or Kara and Kaye are there with us back home.

Eventually, when I got to stay at the hospital that Sunday, it was again the only time that Kaye felt I was there with her. When she came out of the room, I was sitted outside on a vacant movable bed. She went to me, embraced me and started to pour her feelings about the experience. I hugged her so tight that I too felt her fear and concern to the whole thing. She needed my strength the most and I’m glad I was there for her and give her that push when on her own, the dengue concept was too much for her to battle by mind alone. I even decided to stay that night just to make her renew herself with much rest so she has regained strength to face yet another tough day with Kara’s dengue.

Monday arrived. I was still groggy for lack of sleep because I watched Kara most of the time. Then, the pedia hematologist came to the room early and told us about the possibility of Kara’s platelets still declining. What scared us more is that it will eventually reach 20 or close to it. Though they say most dengue cases reach that point, we weren’t ready for such count especially because it’s our Kara who’s on the line. Katakot isipin! But despite that possibility, Kara still remained bubbly and talkative as ever. Nanlalait pa nga at times, which we see as a good sign. Staying positive is the only thing that’s left for us to do. I went home by lunch time and felt uneasy leaving them behind. But Kaye insisted for me to do so since I’ll be going to work the next day, and Jemy and Cassie needed a parent to be with them. So when I got to the apartment, I played with the kids a bit, worked on my rakets a bit. But I really felt lost, siguro because I was aware Kaye and Kara are not around. And moreso, Kara is still fighting her illness. I thought sana ako na lang para siguro tapos na lang, tutal I’m a lot stronger (I think) and kakayanin ko yung sakit, much more yung pagextract lagi nung dugo from her arm. Ang sakit kaya nun everytime!

Tuesday. I thought of passing by the hospital before going to work. Then the worst news… the pedia hematologist found that the latest count places Kara’s platelets down to 23. So she was already to be transfused with fresh platelets later that day. Learning that, I decided not to go to office. I wanted to stay with Kara and with Kaye through the ending stages of dengue, to support them morally and spiritually. At around past 1030am, transfusion was already underway. Her vein was fast gulping down thru IV the platelets that can replenish those that where damaged. After an hour and a half, we waited for another 6 hours before Kara is extracted again of blood for another round of testing. Then we wait again. All throughout the day, I prayed harder, every hour until such time arrived when the results came in.

It was around past 7 or 8pm when the results came back. And it was worth the wait! Kara’s platelets went up by 13, from 23 to 36. Wow! Really a good sign! Apart from that, rashes became more obvious on her legs, and arms. The prayers really paid off! Kara, finally, is on her road to recovery already! However, another test will be done by 6am next day so as to see if indeed the platelets jive well with hers. Kaye and I were so glad of this turnaround. And hopefully, Kara will be back in shape in no time.

Tuesday… the make or break day. I prepared early so I could pass by Asian asap and stay longer. However, it was quite hard to leave that morning since Jemy was having asthma episodes again and Cassie had slight fever. Wawa naman precious babies ko. Good thing our meds at home are complete so treatment was ready para maagapan. Also the yayas are quite aware of what to do already that’s why, though I would still want to stay with them, I left for Asian. Bad trip though, my jeep service was slow so wala rin nangyari sa kakamadali ko. But actually, I was just in time. A few minutes after I arrived sa room, the pedia hematologist came. And she told us the nicest sound to our ears: Kara’s platelets again went up to 44. Indeed, it was great wake-up call, hearing that Kara will soon be out of the woods.

In all these days, Kaye and I battled fear, anguish, longing and even distance. Though most of the time we were apart, we made it through everything together in spirit, and in prayer. But in most parts, I’m happy that Kaye remained steadfast especially for Kara’s sake. And I’m proud of her, as a mother who stayed with our baby girl, a companion who assured that things will still be okay, and a partner who kept the family strong despite the difficulties the illness of dengue has brought.

I know the fight is far from over, but in time, Kara’s health will be back to normal. So what’s next after this? Well… the anticipation of coming home, where Jemy, Cassie and I are just waiting for Mama and Ate to arrive so they could get all the hugs and kisses they finally deserve after being away for a short while.

See at home soon okay? We LOVE you!!!

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48 Comments leave one →
  1. December 2, 2009 12:50p12

    nakaka antig naman sa puso ang post mo na ito.

    i do hope she can recover soon and she can go back home.

    • December 2, 2009 12:50p12

      salamat alkapon. actually on recovery na naman s’ya. kaya anytime hopefully tomorrow, she’ll be home na rin.

      thanks for the concern and for the visit. 😀

  2. December 2, 2009 12:50p12

    ramdam na ramdam ko ang emotions kasi nagtetext brigade ako sa mga tinetext ni kaye sa akin…

    “pogi” — wahahaha! ang kulit! narinig ko rin ito kanina noong bumisita ako…

    • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

      tenks fads ulit sa prayers mo and the rest of the brigadang prayer texters. big thanks to God for people like you!

      “pogi”? sino? moi o yung anak naming lalaki? heheh

      • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

        hehehe sabi ni kara pogi daw ung doctor. hahaha.

        • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

          ah yung kalbong doktor na ayaw pa s’ya i-admit in the first place. akshuwali crush nga ni kaye yun e. kaya nga lang weird kasi ‘pag ako magpaskin head ayaw naman n’ya… tapos si dok na bokal… huwell… ganon tlaga buhay…! 😀 hehehe

          • December 5, 2009 12:50p12

            incidentally, kinagabihan sa concert ni jose marie chan ay may isang doctor na back up singer…taga asian hospital!!! at isa siyang kalbo!

            • December 5, 2009 12:50p12

              talaga fads? hmmm naintriga bigla ako. di kaya s’ya rin yun? or baka may iba pang duktor na kalbo sa Asian? ‘yan ang ating aalamin… hehehe!

    • December 9, 2009 12:50p12

      oo nga e sabi ni Pads sa text “lets bombard heaven with prayers”,
      parang voltes5 na lets volt in ang dating,tyak sabay sabay yun lol.

  3. December 2, 2009 12:50p12

    kuya, na sad naman aku sa post mu, i hope everything will be OK, and we know she will be fine!! 🙂

    • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

      hi PD! sorry pero yun tlaga yung kwento. but of course mas detalyado yung kay Kaye siguro. but don’t worry, Kara’s already ok. in fact today her platelets went to 90 na so talgang recovery na s’ya. if i’m not mistaken, discharged na sila and on their way home na to Sta. Rosa.

      thanks for your prayers and for the concern. kaye and i appreciate it a lot, especially from friends like you… thanks talaga!

      • December 9, 2009 12:50p12

        kuya you are welcome po.. nakita ko nga pala pics nila sa Fb, hindi ata kita nakita?! nandun kaba?! ( para naman nakita na kita, hehehe )

        • December 9, 2009 12:50p12

          wala e. sayang nga e. yung day na bumisita si fads sa Asian was the day that i went to work na. Sayang… di bale may next time pa. and hopefully almost everyone sana makapunta. kaya uwi na kayo! hehehe 😀

          • December 9, 2009 12:50p12

            yeah, sabi nga ni Fr. wala ka that time..
            naku baka po matagalan pa pag uwi ko jan, but im looking forward to meet you and ate kaye, keep in touch nalang po muna here.. hehehe 🙂

            • December 10, 2009 12:50p12

              okie! we look forward to that! kung pede nga lang GEB khit thru webcam pede kaya yun?!? hehehe

  4. December 3, 2009 12:50p12

    Thank God for Kara is fast recovering and that she is getting better and better.
    Thank God for Kara and Kaye would finally be home soon to your family’s tight and warm embrace.
    Thank God for you and Kaye for your faith, love, courage and strength which carried Kara through this difficult ordeal.
    Thank God for Fr. Felmar for his care and support for the family and from whom blogger-friends learned about Kara’s condition.
    Thank God for friends (including blogger-friends) who bombarded heaven with their prayers.
    Thank God for the doctors who were instruments of His healing grace.
    Thank God for you and Kaye for sharing your family with us from whom we could derive hope and inspiration.
    Thank God.

    • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

      ei tokayo! thanks for your wonderful message! medyo na-teary eyed ako on most of it. yup God does wonders tlaga and ipaparamdam n’ya talaga yung kanyang presence in all shapes and sizes, in various forms, and in people whom we haven’t met. thanks sa prayers n’yo, our daughter is already close to having normal health again. the ordeal is a very scary and unwanting stage for me and kaye. it’s like bringing memories when my brother had it (H-fever pa nun), na when he left for the hospital i didn’t even know if he’ll ever come home. sobrang hirap isipin. but he did come home and everyone’s happy again. siguro alam lang ni Lord na we can win on this and He knows kami ni Kaye are tough people who can get thru everything basta we have faith and reliance on each other thru prayers.

      thanks tokayo ha! may you also be blessed today becuz you blessed me and Kaye with your message of encouragement and inspiration that life is still full with good people like you! ingats! 😀

  5. December 3, 2009 12:50p12

    Naku Bong at Kaye. Ramdam ko ang mga nararamdaman ninyo…ang dami ko ring dinaanan na pagsubok habang lumalaki ang mga bata. Pero eto as I look back…prayers & friends/families & faith…& siyempre ang Love…ang love at guidance ni Lord ang nagpatibay para malampasan ang mga ganitong pangyayari sa pamilya. Praise God…magaling na si Kara!

    • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

      yup! iba ang wonders ng prayers tlaga and hanging on with each other! that i guess is the secret to longevity and no virus nor disease can defeat that.

      discharged na si Kara and she’s already back home kaya medyo balik na ulit sa konting petiks petiks.

      sana ok lang kayo dyan sa lugar ni Ankle Sum!

      • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

        Salamat Bong…at happy to hear na home na si kara & pangarap ko sa bayan natin na mawala pagdating ng panahon ang ganyang sakit…sana…sana naman. Dito kasi di yata kilala ang dengue.

        • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

          i think dyan mas prominent ata ang hay fever. di ko alam ang similarities ng dalawa but it also brings up high temperatures on the victims. sige nga i-check ko ulit sa net.

          stay safe!

  6. December 3, 2009 12:50p12

    Kara is safe now, safer because there are four hands embracing her “faith”.

    Indeed- you have a great family Bong.

    • December 3, 2009 12:50p12

      Wow! thanks J.Kulisap! like what i believe, nothing is impossible in prayers and faith. that’s the reason why Kara is now ok and almost in her peak of health again.

      teka… first time to a na full english…!!! naninibago ako bigla… hehehe! 🙂

      • December 4, 2009 12:50p12

        Hahaha, pasensya na abala ako. Nakalimutan kong gamitin ang taal kong wika.

        • December 4, 2009 12:50p12

          hahahah! walang problema! okay naman paminsan-minsan gumamit ng iba, basta’t ang wikang sarili ay di dapat kaligtaan at ikahiya.

          kunin ito madali (in other words, take it easy! nyahahaha! literal translation ba!) :))

          • December 4, 2009 12:50p12

            Hinay hinay lang/lamang. Yon ang mas akmang salita o palasak na ginagamit natin.

            Baka mag-iba ng interpretasyon kapag kunin ito, madali.

            ‘Yong mga nahihiyang gumamit ng Pilipinong wika, tae ‘yon para sa akin.

  7. lababo permalink
    December 4, 2009 12:50p12

    lababo likes this.
    walang masabe..

    • December 4, 2009 12:50p12

      nyahaha! siguro kagagaling mo lang ng FB noh?!? kumusta ba? teka at bibisita nga ako sa lunggaan mo… 😀

      • lababo permalink
        December 4, 2009 12:50p12

        wahaha. onga eh.
        naku wag po. walang matututunan dun sa blog ko.

        • kaye permalink
          December 4, 2009 12:50p12

          kow. totoo yan. hahahaa! peace, lababs! 🙂

          • lababo permalink
            December 4, 2009 12:50p12

            ampf. haha. weeee.. lost for words. lost.
            (ayaw gumana ng utak ko, anubayan!)

            • December 4, 2009 12:50p12

              o kabibisita ko lang. heheh ano pa edi nagsulat din ako ng miniature blog sa isang post mo. heheheh!

              teka nga pala… kung alam na ng wife ko identity ko, pede rin ba ako? hmmm…

              • lababo permalink
                December 4, 2009 12:50p12

                ah, sige lang. pero sikretong malupit ah… walang may alam talaga kahit sino ng tungkol dito eh. wehehehe. add mo na lang ako. (pano pala, eh di mo nga alam? toink) add pala kita.

                • December 4, 2009 12:50p12

                  nyahahah sige sige! salamat salamat!

                  nga pala san ka ba working ngayon?

                  • lababo permalink
                    December 4, 2009 12:50p12

                    invite sent kuya bong. andun na lahat ng detalye. =)

  8. December 4, 2009 12:50p12

    oks oks! teka balik work muna ako. mamaya ulit! salamat 😀

    *kaway kaway*

  9. December 4, 2009 12:50p12

    first time kopo dito, sobrang inspiring naman ng kwento, ramdam na ramdam ang family bonding.. nakarelate din ako sa experience kasi i was once a hospitalized too because of dengue, wala ka ng aabangan kundi ung result ng latest blood extraction, kung tumaas ba or bumaba, at everytime na mababa ang result kakaibang kabog sa dibdib mararamdaman mo.. pero yun nga napapawi din yun once na magsimulang mag back to normal ang platelets…

    good to hear na ok na sya.. nakita ko din pictures nyu nila fr. fiel..

    • December 5, 2009 12:50p12

      tenks bonistation. it was nice of you to drop by! basta welcome ka anytime dito tumambay.

      tama ka, abang lang talaga yung result sa latest blood extraction. yun lang paraan para makita mo kung magiging ok ka na o hindi. kaya lang iba talaga ‘pag part ng pamilya mo ang concern e. minsan sana ikaw na lang para pede mo sabihin na ‘wag sila mag-alala sa ‘yo dahil kaya mo ‘to kahit mag-isa. kaya mo laksan ang loob mo dahil alam mo kaw ‘yan e. kung tutuusin, baka nga mas bawas pa pag-aalala nila kung ako na lang umako nung sakit ni Kara. ako kasi malakas loob ko na kakayanin ko yun. tska malakas pananalig ko ke Lord kaya lam ko kakayanin ko yun if ever.

      heniway hiway, salamat sa pagbabahagi ng ‘yong experience din. sana lagi ka nasa mabuting kalagayan… dalaw ka ulit ha!

  10. Dorm Boy permalink
    December 8, 2009 12:50p12

    Sana at this moment ok na si Kara! Hope all is well sa inyo now! Just dropping by! Napadpad ako sa blog nyo! It’s nice babalik pa ako sa mga susunod na mga araw!

    • December 9, 2009 12:50p12

      salamat sa pagbisita. ako rin dadalaw s’yo. pa-add sa blog roll ha?

      kara is super-duper fine na. just hope nothing of this will happen again to any of my kids kasi tlaga ang hirap. everyone will just have to deal with time until the virus goes out of your system kasi e. kaya talagang painstakingly difficult to bear, lalo pa’t kung wala ka magawa kung kids mo ang tatamaan. haaay…

      hope everything’s safe on your end… 😀

  11. Mr. Nonsense permalink
    December 9, 2009 12:50p12

    check ko lang boyet ni kaye…hmmm? guapo ka nga raw sabi kaye.
    hehe…in-luv daw sya sa yo pero sorry, ayaw na raw mabuntis.

    • kaye permalink
      December 9, 2009 12:50p12

      haha! kaw talaga, fafa jesse. matapos magpunta sa site ko dito ka naman nangiintriga. hahaa! tama na ang tatlo. kasunduan na namin yan 🙂

    • December 10, 2009 12:50p12

      ay oo awat na! hirap din kasi buhay. heheh isip ko nga magboksingero na lang para at least kikita ako ng dolyars!!! bwahahahah!

      guapo ba? hmmm… tanong mo na lang si kaye… hehehe! 😀

  12. December 9, 2009 12:50p12

    Wah, sorry for the super late comment, but I’m really reaaaally sorry for not being able to come. >_____<

    Yay for Kara!

  13. December 9, 2009 12:50p12

    talagang ganun tayong mga magulang, bastat ang mga anak nagkasakit para ng sinisilihan ang pwet na dina talaga makali,kung pwede nga lang na akuin na natin kahat ng mga sakit nila e kasi tayo kaya pa nating tiisin, e sila din naman kaya nilang tiisin kaya lang syempre ang di na tin kayang tiisin e yung sakit ng loob, pagaalala, at yung makita silang my dinaramdam na parang kinukurot yung mga lamang loob mo kapagka ganun.

    • December 10, 2009 12:50p12

      i agree with you Lee. talaga pag anak mo kahit ano gagawin mo. and i was happy that i got to donate blood for my daughter. di man nagamit, at kahit nakaprepare na sana (type O kasi ako, the one Kara needed din) am glad that everything went well and now she’s ok na! Praise God talga for miracles! 🙂

  14. December 10, 2009 12:50p12

    THANK and PRAISE GOD ok na po daughter nio ni mamzi khaye… isa ako sa tinext brigade ni father at from then i offer a silent prayer for her fast recovery.

    nakaka touch naman po ang post nA to sir bongkito! sniff snifff punas punas

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